It took a couple of hours of stupid conversation about stuff that didn't matter - movies, music, Britney's many outfits, stupid Mickey Mouse Club people - for Justin's tongue to feel heavy and a little buzz to hum through his body. Finally reality slipped a notch, everything getting a new sugarcoated haze to it. He touched JC's leg eight times in a row and JC barely noticed it.
"She was such a bitch," JC said. "I can't believe she's famous now." He laughed and rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hand. "Do you remember that stupid hat she used to wear? That red cowboy hat? She wore that everywhere."
Justin watched JC's lips, pale and full and moving vividly to form each new word.
"Remember that music she listened to? A-Ha. She loved A-Ha." JC laughed, revealing a row of white teeth, moving that little pink tongue of his. Justin wanted to pull that tongue into his own mouth and suck on it. He knew it now with more clarity than he'd ever known anything. He wanted to pull down the neck of JC's perfectly tucked shirt and trace JC's collarbone with his tongue. He couldn't even think of it in terms of gay or straight, black or white, right or wrong. He was just completely and utterly in lust with his best friend, the best friend he wanted to know in every way he could. In a lot more ways than he did now.
JC finally stopped talking and met Justin's gaze. "Are you even listening to me?"
"I want you."
He wasn't entirely sure why he said said it, but there it was, out in the open.
JC's smile faded. His glossy eyes wavered. "Justin, no you don't."
"I know you're with Lance and everything," Justin said. "I just want you once. That's it. Once. Then I'll let you guys...do whatever it is you do. Play your bubble game or whatever. I just want to spend one night kissing you and touching you and making you feel good."
Where was all of this coming from? Justin hadn't used phrases like "making you feel good" since he was 16 and trying to sweet talk his girlfriends. But somehow it fit better than any other words he could possibly say.
JC leaned in closer so their noses were a couple of inches apart, his unwavering eyes focused on Justin's. Justin wanted him to just scream out the answer and save him the suspense. But he knew by now that he couldn't rush things.
"It'll just be between us," Justin said. "No one has to know about it."
JC leaned even closer and Justin closed his eyes automatically, sighing when he felt JC's moist lips touch his. Their mouths opened against each other, tongues touching timidly and then with a bit more force. Justin put his hand on JC's neck, deepening the kiss until he could pull JC's tongue into his mouth.
The only difference between this and Justin's previous kisses was that he could feel the tiny scrape of stubble. JC hadn't shaved that day. That was the sort of detail only an intimate friend would know, the sort of thing you could only find out from touching. The heat from JC's mouth was wet and immediate, and Justin felt like he might just melt on the bed and soak into the sheets. JC moved in closer, pushing Justin back until they were lying side by side on the bed with their feet on the pillows.
Justin ran his hand under JC's shirt and up the side of his body, feeling the skin pulled tight and the muscles lean. There was absolutely no extra meat on the guy, just skin and bone and heat.
JC broke the kiss and mumbled into Justin's mouth. "You've never done this with a guy, have you?"
"No," Justin said, keeping his voice small, knowing the sweet and virginal act would work in his favor.
"What do you want to do?"
Justin felt a spark of irritation come from somewhere in his body. Did they have to plan it out? Couldn't they just go with it? If the mood wasn't so fragile he would have rolled his eyes.
"Let's just see what happens."
They kissed again, hands sliding under clothes, fingers undoing buttons, and Justin knew there was no turning back. He'd already kissed Lance's boyfriend. He'd already fed him whisky to get him in bed. It was funny, but lying there with his hands exploring JC's body, his fingers stopping to lightly pinch JC's nipples, he felt more than ever that JC was Lance's boyfriend. By the time JC's fingers had unzipped Justin's jeans and his hand had pushed in to stroke Justin's cock, Justin knew with certainty that he wanted JC with the same excitement that he used to want a Christmas present that hadn't been unwrapped yet. Once it was unwrapped, it wasn't as different or as special as you thought it would be, and there was nothing new left to uncover. Did he want to unwrap it and then never be able to play with it? Did he want to unwrap it at all? Why was it so hard to just figure out what he wanted?
But it was too late for any of that. JC was already making a sloppy wet trail down Justin's stomach with his tongue, starting somewhere below his breast bone and descending quickly. Justin had hoped the whole thing would go a little slower. More than anything, Justin wanted JC to wrap his lips around one of his nipples and suck it until it was hard. But JC had started too low, and he was already at the fly of Justin's jeans, clumsy fingers undoing the top button and unzipping the zipper.
And then JC reached Justin's cock, all tight lips and wet, warm mouth. Justin threw his head back and a thousand images and thoughts rushed into his brain - Britney's album cover, JC with his cut hand, Lance sitting in the chair in the warehouse waiting for his makeup. His mom, his dad, his cousin from Wisconsin, Chris after he got his hair cut, Martin with his open bathrobe and his bottle of vodka. Justin had never sucked anyone's cock, but he wondered if it was like a trumpet. The tighter the embouchure, the higher the sound you produced.
And then, without warning, he started to laugh. It started as a little giggle, but the more he recalled his own thoughts, the more it turned into a full-blown "ha ha" laugh that took over his stomach and his chest and finally his entire body.
JC stopped. "What's so funny?"
"Nothing." Justin looked down and saw JC's perplexed look, but it didn't help. It was like three month's worth of confusion and frustration was coming out in this one big belly laugh. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, figuring it was over, but it came back in full force and he only laughed harder.
JC stared. "Are you insane?"
"No," Justin sighed, wiping his eyes with the tail of his T-shirt. "I just think...I think I'm bisexual."
"Well, duh." The tone of JC's voice showed that he thought he was adding to the joke, but that part wasn't funny.
"Do you...do you want me to keep doing this?"
Justin considered it, and then answered, honestly, "Not at the moment."
JC coiled up so his entire body fit on one of the pillows. Justin sat up and trailed his hand down JC's arm, trying to make it better, trying to get him to understand. "It's not you," he said. "It's just the alcohol. No...it's not even the alcohol. I don't know what it is. It's not that you're not a turn on, because believe me, you are. This is all just a little weird for me."
JC gave him a forced smile.
"Can we just wait a little while?" Justin said. "Like, lay down together and let me get used to touching you first?"
Finally, it seemed like Justin had gotten through. JC smiled a little more realistically and uncoiled, lying down so his head was on the pillow, raising an arm so Justin could slide under.
Justin pulled his shirt over his head and dropped it on the floor, sliding over and cuddling under JC's arm. His back was to JC but he could feel JC's breathing get slower and steadier behind him, relaxing him, lulling his body away from the restlessness and towards a feeling that was all peace and warmth and good vibes.
The next sound he heard was a door. He opened his eyes and found the room in complete darkness, JC sleeping soundly behind him. Justin hadn't meant to fall asleep. Panic came from nowhere and strummed through his body. Light sliced through the room and he saw Lance's silhouette, stepping in quietly and shutting the door. He probably hadn't even noticed Justin yet.
He listened to Lance walk across the room. Lance stopped when he reached the bed, his face illuminated by the smear of blue light that seeped through the curtains. Justin watched Lance's gaze wander down to meet his. They stared at each other for a minute, Lance fully clothed and upright, Justin lying half naked in the arms of Lance's boyfriend. Justin could barely breathe.
Justin slid out from under JC's arm and sat up slowly, realizing JC was still dressed. Justin was grateful for it. He ran his hand through his hair self-consciously, looking down at his body in the blue light, wanting to say something but at the same time wanting Lance to make the first move.
"We didn't do anything," Justin whispered. "We started to but it kind of didn't happen."
Lance sat on the bed, his weight causing the mattress to shift, his eyes still gleaming and examining Justin. He reached out and ran his fingers lightly through Justin's hair and Justin instinctively closed his eyes.
"It's okay," Lance whispered back.
"You're, like, a brother to me," Justin said. "You both are. I shouldn't have let all this happen."
"It's okay," Lance repeated, and then Lance leaned closer, close enough that Justin could smell his cologne and the warm, new smell of his shirt. Then Lance's lips trailed across Justin's collar bone, moving inward, tracing up to brush his neck.
Whoah.
"What are you doing?" Justin asked.
Lance pulled away, giving him a little smirk that was pure Lance. "Nothing. I just think you're curious."
"I am," Justin said, and the sentence came out in one big exhale.
"What do you want to do?" Lance asked, and this time it sounded like a completely logical question.
"Everything," Justin breathed.
"Okay." Then with all the stealth of James Bond, Lance pushed Justin on his back, climbing between his legs and pulling Justin's tongue into his mouth in an urgent but completely silent kiss.
Whoah again.
There was the scrape of material and the moist sound of mouths as Justin pushed his hands under Lance's shirt, grabbing urgently at his back, rocking his hips forward so their hard ons pressed together through their clothes. Lance broke the kiss suddenly and moved down until he wrapped his lips, hot and wet, around Justin's left nipple.
Justin moaned before he even realized what he was doing. He heard the body next to him squirm. A tiny questioning noise came from JC. Lance must have heard it too, because he stopped and looked over at the sleepy body in bed next to them.
"It's okay, Jace," Lance said, his voice inching closer to normal volume now. "He's curious."
At first Justin thought JC would freak. When that didn't happen, he thought JC would get up and leave. When that didn't happen, he just lay there frozen, waiting, feeling a strange mixture of awkwardness and terror and arousal that must have been a whole new feeling created just for this moment. "He's curious" didn't seem like a very thorough explanation to give your boyfriend when he discovered you sucking some guy's nipple, especially when your boyfriend was sleeping about an inch away. But JC lay perfectly still, keeping eye contact with Lance, like he was waiting for something to happen too.
Justin let Lance kiss him again, except this time the kiss was twice as hungry and twice as forceful. He bucked his hips against Lance involuntarily, his cock painfully hard, his body aching to come from the delicious new friction.
Then he felt a set of lips trail across his shoulder. JC's lips. And it hit him like a hailstorm. His first time wasn't going to be with a single guy; a single friend who returned his affections and was willing to show him the ropes. It was going to be with two friends who returned his affections and were willing to show him the ropes.
Again, whoah. In fact, "whoah" and "oh my God" and "fuck" bounced through his mind like rubber balls, along with a "kinky" thrown in for good measure. It was definitely time to reassess the situation.
Would this cause more problems? Would this confuse who was supposed to make him insanely jealous and who he was supposed to be coveting? He had no idea what he was even supposed to do in a threesome. Did he even want to do this?
Then Lance's lips wrapped around his nipple again, sucking it hard. JC's fingers trailed across Justin's jaw and turned his head until their mouths met in a fervent kiss. And then the only question was whether or not he could stop it, even if he wanted to.
Lance moved farther down Justin's body, giving his stomach wet, open-mouthed kisses. Justin's arms were freed enough to reach over and pull JC's shirt off and throw it across the room. That started a chain reaction and then they were all undressing each other, fingers clumsily undoing flies and random hands pulling pants over hips, foreheads occasionally knocking together in the confusion of limbs and hands.
And then they were naked, three best friends, an orchestra of long, lean limbs to grab and slender necks to kiss and pink lips to suck and bite and moan against. Lance went back to his original spot halfway down Justin's stomach, positioning himself between Justin's legs. The farther down he went, the harder Justin sucked on JC's tongue, kissing him with increasing urgency when he felt Lance hovering somewhere around Justin's cock, not touching it yet, as if he was trying to keep Justin in suspense. Then, instead of taking it into his mouth, Lance used the tip of his tongue to lick slow circles around the head. Justin moaned into JC's mouth, his fingertips digging hard into the back of JC's neck. If he hadn't been kissing JC so passionately he would have uttered some unintelligible word.
All at once, Lance stopped licking the head and began using his whole mouth, moving down the shaft effortlessly, starting a slow and wet and delicious rhythm. Justin felt JC's fingers tweak one of his nipples and he thought he might simply explode. He didn't think anything in the world that couldn't be freebased was supposed to feel this good. And he had never suspected Lance to be so fucking good at giving head.
Justin hadn't realized how hard he was kissing JC until JC had to plant a hand on Justin's chest to tear himself away. He kissed his way down JC's neck and across his breastbone before he realized that JC was moving his body across Justin's mouth, giving him access to the places JC wanted to be kissed. Justin complied enthusiastically, gnawing gently at JC's nipples, sucking his way down JC's stomach, following the nearly invisible line of hair. JC had slid onto his knees, moving his body up farther and farther until Justin felt him looming over of him. Justin reached JC's belly button, kissing a little circle around it. JC's cock brushed against Justin's chin and Justin knew he was about to get a crash course in giving head.
He opened his mouth wide, letting JC's cock slide between his lips slowly, in half inches so he could get used to the feeling. It didn't taste bad or good, just completely foreign. The whole thing seemed like an out of body experience. He tried to do the things he'd always wanted done to him, but in the end he just sucked it, trying to keep his teeth out of the way, trying to establish a rhythm. JC moaned back in encouragement, thrusting his hips gently. "Good," JC whispered from somewhere above him. "You're doing good."
Justin had been so wrapped up in what he was doing that he almost forgot about Lance, sprawled out between Justin's legs, still sucking and licking him like he was trying to get to the creamy centre. Justin's pulse quickened, his muscles trembling a little. "I'm gonna come," he breathed.
Lance stopped suddenly, leaving Justin's body dangling on the edge. JC pulled away too, sliding down into a lying position and whispering in Justin's ear. "Do you want to fuck Lance?"
"What?" Justin asked, although he didn't really need it repeated. He looked down and saw Lance watching him, his eyes patient with just a tinge of expectation. It was amazing how calm Lance had remained through the whole thing.
"Does Lance want me to?" Justin asked, like Lance wasn't even in the room.
JC smiled at Lance. "I think so. Lance likes that."
"Okay."
Lance got on his hands and knees and crawled up to the head of the bed, so methodically that Justin could imagine Lance doing it every night for JC. Lance lay on his back, stretching out, waiting. Justin climbed over JC timidly, feeling JC's hand trail across his back, and realized that Lance wasn't even hard yet. He didn't need experience with gay sex to know that Lance should at least get an erection out of the deal.
So instead of climbing on top of him, Justin slid between Lance's legs, licking the head of his cock the way Lance had done to him a few minutes earlier. At first he had to use his hand to keep it in place, but after a few sucks it was standing up on its own. He felt JC's shoulder against his and realized that JC was kind of pushing him out of the way, forcing Justin to squirm under Lance's leg and reposition himself so he was doing everything sideways. JC had a tube of something and Justin realized JC was getting Lance ready, yet another thing Justin could imagine them doing every night. He knew when JC slid his fingers into Lance's ass because Lance's hips bucked and he groaned so deeply that it sounded like a rumble. Lance grabbed the back of Justin's head, forcing his cock so deep into Justin's mouth that Justin had to fight his gag reflexes.
They stayed in position for a moment, working Lance into what seemed like a near frenzy, before JC pulled Justin down to the end of the bed and wrapped his slick, moist hand around Justin's cock, stroking it a few times and then backing away.
Show time.
Lance seemed to know exactly what to do. He rested his ankles on Justin's shoulders, bending easily as Justin moved into place. It was pretty much the same as it would be with a girl except it took Justin longer to find where his cock was supposed to go. It was so tight that Justin fought the urge to grit his teeth when he slid inside. Much tighter and more intense than with a girl, like the initial entry might be enough to bring him off.
But once he was inside, he knew exactly what he was doing. If there was one thing he knew how to do, it was fuck. He started pumping slowly, knowing he wasn't going to last more than a couple of minutes. Lance moved in time with him, his hands sliding down Justin's arms and his fingertips digging in. Lance's head fell back against the pillow, his eyes closed, his mouth opening and his tongue darting out to lick his bottom lip. JC's hand was trailing across Lance's chest, his teeth nipping at Lance's earlobe. He whispered something Justin couldn't hear into Lance's ear and Lance moaned something unintelligible back.
Lance's head jerked sideways and he and JC kissed sloppily, tongues outstretched and rubbing together, teeth scraping against bottom lips, like a porn movie kiss. Just the sight of it made Justin cry out and without farther warning he was coming so hard that his entire body shook from the force of it.
Lance stopped moving underneath him, waiting patiently for Justin to finish, still smiling from JC's lips against his neck. Justin smiled back weakly. "How was it?"
"Good," Lance murmered. "A little timid, maybe."
Justin was breathing heavily, his whole body damp with sweat. "A little timid?"
"Yeah. Maybe JC will demonstrate the fine art of an aggressive fuck."
Justin moved out of the way quickly, lying down in JC's old spot, and watched JC's lean body take its rightful place on top of Lance. And he knew he was going to enjoy the show.
***
Justin opened one eye and looked at the alarm clock. 3:10 a.m. The room was dark, the two bodies in bed next to him breathing steadily. Justin sat up slowly and saw JC and Lance sleeping soundly, Lance's head resting on JC's chest, JC's hand resting on Lance's shoulder. They looked perfect together, and Justin realized the thought of that didn't even bother him.
He found his clothes fairly easily in the dark, pulling them on and leaving as quietly as he could. He stepped into the hallway to find Chris leaning against the wall. Chris looked different than usual - his eyes darker, his features more defined, his body bulkier in just the right places.
"What are you still doing up?" Justin asked.
"Just waiting for Joey. He's saying goodbye to someone downstairs." Justin felt Chris's eyes glide down his body, so quickly he doubted Chris even knew he was doing it. "What were you guys doing in there?"
Justin smiled slowly and bit his lip. "Nothing."
"Oh." Justin thought he saw Chris actually gulp.
Justin leaned back against the opposite wall for a moment, holding Chris's gaze, making up his mind that he was going to stand there and watch Chris for as long as Chris watched him. The eye contact was broken when they heard someone stumble off the elevator.
It was Martin, so drunk that he moved like there were no bones in his body. Andy the security guy had his arm around Martin, leading him in the right direction, listening stone-faced to Martin's babbling.
"Oh!" Martin said when he saw them, looking from one to the other. "You boys in a bubble. There's a whole world out there."
"Huh?" Justin said.
"What I mean is...." Martin waved his hand in a circular motion like he was trying to get his thoughts in order, his words coming out in one long slur. "What I mean is there's a whole world out there of people to fuck. You don't have to keep it in the family."
He laughed loudly at his own words as Andy led him between Justin and Chris and down the hallway to his room. Justin watched Andy open Martin's door and push him inside.
He looked back at Chris. "Goodnight, Chris."
"Goodnight, Justin."
Heading back to his room, Justin realized that he kind of liked this hotel.