Nose to the carpet, viewing it at arm's length. Nose to the carpet....

Doing push ups in his hotel room seemed like the only way Justin could get rid of the nervous energy. The post-show high. They'd hung around for awhile backstage nibbling on the catered food, signed some autographs outside. Justin was desperate to go out but no one else wanted to. He briefly put up the argument that if they left right then, they'd still have an hour and a half before last call. But he didn't want to look like the only one thirsty for it, not after the hooker incident the night before.

Friday night in Los Angeles and he was locked in his hotel room like a caged dog, his body still humming from the cheers and the screams. It didn't seem fair to have that intensity for two hours and then have to shut it off five minutes afterward. Some girl in the crowd had a huge banner with "I heart you, Justin" written in neon spray paint. He pointed at her and she started to cry.

The push ups eventually made his muscles throb but he kept going. He had to drain his body of all of it. When he thought he couldn't stand to keep going he did one more and belly flopped on the floor, covering his head with aching arms.

As if on cue, there was a knock on the door. Lance. Justin got on his knees and crawled over to the door, reaching up to open it.

"Hey," Lance said, chipper as usual. Justin crawled over to the middle of the floor again and laid on his back.

"Hey."

"Chris and I are going to Joey's room to watch a movie, just until we fall asleep. Want to come?"

"Nah." Justin examined his fingernails, poking at the cuticles a little. He needed a manicure. He rolled his head to the side and saw Lance sitting in the chair by the door. "What about JC? Where is he?"

"In his room. He said he doesn't feel like it."

Justin looked back at his fingernails, afraid to ask. But he couldn't help it. "Is that girl with him?"

"No. I haven't seen her since this afternoon."

"Hmm." Justin scraped a little piece of grime from underneath the nail of his index finger.

"I don't think there's anything going on with that girl," Lance said, slumping back in the chair. "So you can't sleep, huh?"

"Not yet."

"Want me to take your card in case you can't wake up in the morning?"

"Sure." Justin shimmied across the floor on his back until he could reach the nightstand and pulled down the little envelope with two entry cards to his room. He flipped one to Lance, who caught it and put it in his shirt pocket.

"Okay," Lance said. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

When Lance left Justin stared up at the ceiling. What to do now? He sat up and caught a whiff of himself, sweaty from the push ups and dancing in heavy designer clothes. He definitely needed a shower.

He stripped out of his clothes and dropped them in the middle of the room, padding naked across the carpet to the bathroom. The bathroom looked the same as every other hotel room bathroom - gleaming faucet, white porcelain sink, little white counter for make up bags and shaving kits and tooth brushes in little plastic travel containers. Little round soaps. One-use shampoo and conditioner. Lather, rinse, repeat.

The water in the shower came down on his body hot and hard, a liquid massage for his aching muscles. He squeezed his eyes shut and put his face in the spray, feeling tendrils of lukewarm water glide through his hair, ridding it of the stench of arena hot dogs and cigarette smoke and the dirty sock smell of the tour bus. It ran in rivers down his chest and stomach, feeling warm and inviting on his groin. He reached around the shower curtain long enough to unwrap one of the little soaps and went under the water again, soaping his hands. He leaned in and put his hand on the shower wall to steady himself, bowing his head so the water ran down his back, drips sliding down his hair and trickling off to land on the bathtub floor. He put his slick right hand around his cock and realized how incredibly hard he was. With a killer erection and the pounding water, he came in about two minutes.

He had the same thought he had every time he came. Two letters. JC.

He cleaned the rest of his body and turned off the shower regretfully. He could have stayed in there forever if there was time. When he stepped out he faced a foggy mirror that he had to run his hand across to get a reflection. The moisture still obscured his face, making every feature blurry.

He dried off and tightened the towel around his waist. Then there were the night time rituals of brushing his teeth to keep the crisp white smile, combing his hair because if he didn't it would be like a bird's nest when he woke up.

He walked out of the bathroom and stopped dead. JC sat on the end of his bed, elbows on his knees, hands clasped. Justin stopped breathing.

"Hey," JC said.

Justin cleared his throat, trying to get his voice working. "Hey."

He walked self consciously to his suitcase, trying to find his boxer shorts with trembling hands. Lance must have given him the card.

"What's up?" Justin asked.

"I wanted to talk to you," JC said. "We need to get this cleared up."

Justin's heart somersaulted. Cleared up? As in get back together?

"We're not together anymore but we have to start getting along, for the sake of the group," JC said.

The somersaults stopped and sank to the pit of his stomach.

"Yeah," Justin said. He wanted to sound confident but his voice was weak and wispy. "So where's your girlfriend?"

"She's not my girlfriend," JC said.

"So what was today all about?"

JC's voice rose a notch. "So what was the prostitute all about?"

Justin stopped searching in his suitcase but stayed facing the wall. "I couldn't sleep."

"Yeah, but Justin, that's exactly..."

"What you're talking about," Justin finished.

"Exactly."

"He wouldn't have been here if I was still with you."

JC laughed a little, but it was sharp, humorless laugh that sounded like "ha."

"So now I'm responsible for your sleeping habits?" JC said. "Besides, if you're going to argue that when you're with me you don't need to sleep with other people, history proves otherwise. And then you give me the finger in front of the whole crew."

Justin spun around. "What was that girl all about?"

JC shrugged. So effortless. "She's just someone I know. It's nothing. I just wanted to show you what it felt like."

"Well, now I know. Thanks so much for enlightening me."

JC sighed hard. "And that's another thing, Justin. You have such an attitude. I can't tell you anything. I can't get you to listen to anything."

Justin bit his lip and turned back to the suitcase, sifting his hand through his clothes. Where the hell were those shorts? He didn't want to argue. He didn't even know if he had the energy.

"JC, I have a question for you."

"Go for it."

He stood up straight again, trying to will himself to turn around, but lost his courage and only turned halfway around and stared at the far wall. "Did you...."

He swallowed back a lump in his throat. JC waited.

"Did you ever love me? Because sometimes I don't feel like you did." It was no use. His voice cracked.

"Justin...."

"Because I know I'm a jerk and everything but..." Now there were tears. He tried to fight with every ounce of shame to hold them back but there was no stopping them. "But I can be better. I can do better. I can be whatever you want me to be if you just...." He bowed his head involuntarily and started to cry, wiping his eyes with a couple of fingers but knowing it was no use. "If you just stick with me for awhile and be patient because I'm feeling really fucked up and I don't even know why." The words were getting harder to force out but he knew he couldn't stop. "I just...I know you hate me but I won't sleep with anyone anymore. I know I...."

He was so busy babbling that he didn't notice JC standing next to him. He felt a warm hand on his shoulder, then JC steering him so they were facing each other and pulling him into a hug.

"I know I'm a jerk and I'm sorry and I'm so sorry for what I did and now it seems like you're never going to stop hating me."

"Justin, stop." JC ran his hand across Justin's wet hair. "I don't hate you."

"Yeah, but you don't love me anymore." The tears had turned into gasping sobs. He was so ashamed and at the same time felt the addiction to JC touching him renewing itself.

"Yes I do," JC whispered. "Yes I do. That's why it hurt so much."

He wanted to write volumes of songs in JC's honor. Take a space expedition and name a galaxy after him. He felt them teetering on the edge, so close to either falling apart forever or coming back together that he was afraid to breath.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you too." JC pulled back and ran his thumb under one of Justin's eyes, wiping away tears. "Stop crying."

Justin gulped. He didn't want to do irreparable damage but it felt like now or never. "Will you give me another chance? I promise I'll be better this time."

It was amazing how JC's eyes were always steady no matter what happened. "You have to mean it. I'm scared to death."

"I mean it." He wanted to hear JC say "okay." Something to seal the bond. JC pulled him back into a hug and they stood there for a moment, breathing against each other. "Say okay," Justin said.

"Okay."

Justin laughed and cried at the same time. "Okay."

JC pulled back and smiled at him, eyes focused, hands steady. Justin thought for a moment they might kiss but realized that neither of them were ready for it.

"Sleep with me tonight?"

"Okay," JC said. "But just sleep. I know what you're like."

"Sleep."

JC pulled away. "I have to go get my bag from my room."

"Okay."

Justin watched him leave. The second the door closed he hurried to his suitcase and really looked for the shorts. They were in the bottom, under a pair of jeans. He threw the towel on the floor and slid into them. Then he reconsidered and took the towel into the bathroom, hanging it up neatly.

He ran over and climbed under the covers, tucking them up to his chin. He worried for a split second that JC wouldn't be back, but JC always kept his word.

JC slipped back in with his shoulder bag, smiling a little.

"How did you get in here, anyway?" Justin asked.

"Lance gave me the card. He said you wanted to talk to me."

"That little shit."

"Yeah, he's something else." JC disappeared into the bathroom.

Justin laid silently, listening to the sounds of JC's night time rituals. Washing his face. Brushing his teeth. JC turned off the overhead light and walked across the room in darkness. When he crawled into bed he sighed.

"Can I...just kind of cuddle up to you?" Justin asked.

"Sure."

Justin rolled sideways and bumped his nose on JC's shoulder. It felt a little awkward, finally being able to touch him. He slipped a careful arm across JC's stomach and laid his head on JC's chest. He felt JC's arm move around him and pull him closer. There. It fit like his favorite pair of old jeans.

He would be faithful to JC. He just knew it. He would climb up and pick him a star if he wanted it.

***

Justin opened his bleary eyes halfway and saw the alarm clock. 5:50 a.m. They had switched positions so Justin was on his side and JC was laying behind him, spooned against him. JC's erection was pressed against his thigh, JC's fingers closing in and gently squeezing a nipple.

Justin wasn't ready to speak or even open his eyes all the way. He purred and pressed back into him. JC was here.

JC's lips started at the top of Justin's spine and ran up the back of his neck. Then he retraced the trail using the tip of his tongue.

"JC," Justin breathed, melting back against him, pressing his hips back so they ground against JC's cock, feeling it hard and hot through the thin material of his boxers. "JC, I am so...."

"Horny?" JC said into his ear, catching the lobe between his teeth.

"Yes," Justin breathed, squeezing the blanket in his hands. "It's been so long."

"I know." He tugged at Justin's boxers. "Take these off."

Justin got them off in three seconds flat. He closed his eyes and smiled as JC grabbed his shoulder and gently pushed him onto his back. They kissed languorously, mouths open and tongues sliding together. Perfect.

JC reached down, avoiding Justin's swollen cock and going right to his ass, massaging the little pink bud there with his finger. Justin realized that JC had already gotten the lubricant while Justin was sleeping soundly. Smooth as always. Justin breathed deeply, willing his body to relax, trying to make up for lost time and lost elasticity. JC kissed him hard and deep, sucking on Justin's tongue and drawing it into his own mouth, as his finger slid inside.

Oh, yeah. That was it. Justin's entire body tensed, clenching around JC's finger, vividly feeling it go in even farther and massage that spot. The spot. The spot that had always been the key to his heart, the way to make him writhe and squirm and gasp.

He felt JC smile against his mouth. "Some things never change," JC whispered.

"It's only been two weeks."

"Two long weeks."

"Two unbearable weeks," Justin agreed.

JC pulled out and slid back in with two fingers. Two long, slender, talented fingers that could touch him and push him and rub him in exactly the right places. Justin purred, raising his hips against JC's hand, gripping JC's arm and trying to ride out the sensations.

"Okay," JC whispered in a soothing tone. Justin could only breathe in response.

When JC was satisfied that Justin was ready, he removed his fingers and ran the tips across Justin's swollen cock, causing another ripple of pleasure. Justin reached down and took JC's dick in his hand, getting his thumb wet from the precome and circling the head with it.

It was amazing watching JC like that, still on his side but frozen in place, eyes closed and mouth open. Justin pushed him on his back and started down his body, his lips wrapping wetly around JC's nipple. Justin felt JC's fingers tangle in his hair as he ran his face across JC's stomach.

He started to crawl between JC's legs when a firm hand on his shoulder stopped him. "I wouldn't do that if you want this to last longer than 10 seconds," JC said.

Justin grinned. "I don't know if I'll last longer than 10 seconds."

"Close your eyes," JC ordered. Justin wasn't sure where this was going, but he obeyed. "Open your mouth." Justin opened his mouth. He felt JC put something plastic between his teeth. Something square with rough edges.

He took it out and found a condom still wrapped in its foil package. Shit. He should have expected this. But now, having JC naked and squirming underneath him, he wasn't going to complain. He crawled down further until JC's cock was in perfect licking distance and ran his tongue over the head, getting a taste of salt and stickiness.

But he couldn't help himself. He leaned in and slid his lips down the shaft, taking the whole thing into his mouth in one try. He felt it touch the back of his throat, his gag reflexes muttering in the background but fading away almost instantly. He stayed like that for a minute, working his tongue, before he tightened his lips and sucked back up to the top.

"Justin," JC breathed.

Justin gave it a couple more good hard sucks and pulled back regretfully. He ripped open the package, slid the condom out and held it delicately in his fingers, pushing on it a little to find which way it rolled. It moistened his fingertips. He knew it had that artificial, rubbery taste of latex. But he would rather have that than nothing at all.

He rolled it on in record speed, a skill born from years of practice. When he was done he cowered down and ran his tongue along JC's balls, lapping at them, wanting JC to be glad that he had come to Justin's room. JC reached down and again tightened his fingers in Justin's hair.

"Come here," JC whispered.

Justin scurried back up to the head of the bed in record time, laying down next to JC and kissing him hard. Their lips remained locked together as JC rolled him over, using his knees to push Justin's legs apart.

It was going to happen. It was really going to happen. After nights of thinking he had lost it forever, he was going to get fucked. By JC.

He raised his legs so his ankles were resting on JC's shoulders, bending easily when JC moved in and put a hand on either side of Justin's body. Then there was that hard pressure against his ass, that thing that would soon be inside of him, making him claw and writhe and scream. He breathed slowly and deeply, unclenching his hands, relaxing his muscles.

JC slid in an inch at a time, wanting to be gentle but at the same time probably wanting to torture him. JC's cock cleared his muscle, kept sliding in deeper until it hit that wonderful, glorious spot.

Justin groaned, arched his back, thought he might hyperventilate. He felt JC start thrusting, slowly and deliberately. Pleasure ripped through his body. It made his brain scream and the palms of his hands tingle. He realized he was being noisy, moans punctuating each thrust, and that JC was moaning back in encouragement.

Harder, Justin thought. Harder. Deeper. Longer. Faster. But none of those words came out. All he could mumble was "More."

JC quickened his pace so suddenly that it set Justin's body on edge. It was rhythmic, perfectly executed, like a song in itself. A series of breathy, hurried thrusts followed by one long, hard, deep one. He did that for a minute or so until Justin wanted to grab him, roll him over, be on top so he could control the pace. Then JC stopped the game and fucked him with a hard, even, unflinching rhythm.

Justin felt his insides melt. His mind turned to static. He tried to speak but his tongue was thick, his breathing too labored. Instead of forming words, all that materialized were shapeless sounds from deep in his throat - moans, groans, pants, senseless noises, like speaking in tongues.

He was going to come. He couldn't wait for it. He needed the release, needed the closure. He felt it rise in his chest first, then in his whole body. Closer and closer and closer and....

Just when he was on the verge, like the second before a tidal wave breaks, ready to come with no hands and nothing between him and JC, JC pulled nearly all the way out and stopped. Justin tried to buck his hips, tried to will himself to go over the edge, but he couldn't. He gritted his teeth. "JC, please."

JC didn't move. "Do you love me?"

"Yes," Justin panted, every cell in his body aching.

"Do you need me?"

"Yes!"

"Do you need only me?"

"Yes, yes, yes, please." He wanted to scream in frustration.

"Okay." JC pushed hard into him, into the exact right spot. Two more thrusts and Justin threw his head back. He came all over his chest, all over his stomach and probably all over JC. Even as he was riding out his orgasm, his fingernails digging into his palms, his entire body cranking tight, JC kept fucking him.

But it only lasted a minute before JC collapsed on top of him, digging his head in Justin's shoulder. Justin ran his fingertips along JC's sweaty back, feeling JC's body shudder. Their heartbeats slowed. Their breathing evened out. And still JC stayed on top of Justin, arms wrapped around him.

They showered separately so they wouldn't be late. At 7:30 a.m. Justin swung his door open to see the rest of the entourage lugging their suitcases down the hallway.

They all stopped. As usual, Joey spoke first. "Oh, man."

"Shut up, Joey," Lance said.

"Come on," Justin said, getting a better handle on his suitcase. "We have to get out of here."

This time, there were about 25 fans waiting on the sidewalk outside, all holding pieces of paper and CD's and tour programs in their outstretched hands. Justin smiled and signed everything put in front of him. He posed for photographs until he and the other four were hustled onto the bus. Except this time the bus was a welcome sight. The roads would be long and quiet with entire days for him and JC to get reacquainted, and the monotony was over.

He curled up in his bunk with JC and slept like a baby.

--the end--