"What?" Howie finally asked.

"This is a bad idea, D."

Howie sat back, frowning. "What are you talking about?"

"In case you haven't forgotten, we're leaving. For Germany. In two months."

Howie leaned against the wall, picking at a loose thread on his sock. "I know." He tugged on the thread and let it go. "I know. He knows. We all know."

"But I know how you get. You can't just sort of like someone. Remember that girl you told me about that you asked to marry you? Maria Carpenter?"

Howie scratched his head. "That was, like, seventh grade."

AJ sighed deeply, stretching his arms above his head. "All I'm saying is to keep remembering that you're leaving. Because the last thing we need is you dropping out because you don't want to go."

Howie looked up sharply. "I'm going!"

AJ leaned forward and looked at Howie intently. "Don't fuck him."

Howie's mouth dropped open. "You're the one who told me to get laid!"

"Not like this, man." AJ shook his head solemnly. "That was before I knew that it was him."

"What difference does it make if it's him or not?"

"Because you've always had a crush on him."

Howie did his best to look irritated. "I have not always had a crush on him."

"Okay. Whatever." AJ sat back against the headboard. "You know, nevermind. I'm just a kid. You're older and wiser. You know what you're doing." He motioned to the stereo. "You want to go over a few of our moves?"

"Okay." Howie was grateful for the change in topic.

He was going to Germany. He was going to Germany. AJ obviously didn't know how Howie had been dreaming about it for his entire life. AJ didn't know what he was talking about.

***

It was a Friday night, but Chris stayed home for a change. He'd been sleeping in the wrong bed all week. And that night, Howie was pinned underneath him.

Howie clenched his teeth, feeling Chris's sweaty body slide against his under the thin sheet. Chris positioned himself perfectly between Howie's legs, planting a kiss on each of Howie's eyelids. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Chris shifted his weight so their cocks slid against each other, and Howie squeezed his eyes shut and groaned.

Chris kissed Howie's earlobe, and then moved back to his lips. "Are you absolutely, positively sure?"

"Absolutely." Howie raised his hips against Chris's, trying to get more of that delicious friction. "Positively. Sure."

Howie felt Chris's finger push inside him, slippery from the lubricant Chris bought at the drug store that day. They'd been planning this for two days, taking what had until then been feverish blow jobs to the next level. And now it was here. They were really, truly going to do it.

Chris pulled his fingers away and positioned himself for entry. Howie felt a slight pressure there, and then the head of Chris's cock push into him. "Okay?"

Howie breathed deeply. Tried not to grit his teeth. "Yeah."

Chris pushed about halfway inside. Howie felt a blinding pain shoot up his spine. A tear dripped from the corner of his eye to his hairline. "Okay," Howie said, although Chris hadn't asked that time. It felt strange. Intrusive. Like something was being put in a place where it didn't belong. He concentrated on breathing deeply, in through his nose and out through his mouth. Chris pushed in a little farther and Howie felt his muscles trying to crank tight.

"Relax," Chris said.

"Relax," Howie repeated.

Chris ran his hand over Howie's shoulder, massaging lightly near his neck. "You're too tense. It's just me."

Howie's eyes were closed, but he felt Chris's lips near his and kissed them.

"Do you want to do this later?" Chris asked.

No, Howie thought. It could hurt now or it could hurt later, and they'd already started. And this was going to feel good. He had a feeling. He'd fantasized about it. Jerked off to the image of it. He knew this was just a mild case of stage fright.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Chris whispered. "I love you. Just relax."

Howie's eyes opened slowly. "What did you say?"

Chris didn't answer. He rested his hands on either side of Howie and pushed himself up a little, moving his hips ever so slowly and starting a timid rhythm. It didn't hurt as much, but it felt intense. Hard. Like a moment after he got a cut, and the initial pain was gone and now it was just the blood flowing.

Howie figured this was the closest he'd ever come to an out of body experience. He watched Chris on top of him, Chris's eyes closed and a tense look on his face. He felt Chris inside of him, moving in and out with a slow, steady rhythm. But everything seemed fuzzy. He knew he wasn't hard anymore. He wasn't sure he was really interested in coming. It was just...fascinating, like it should have been happening to someone else.

Howie rolled his head to the side, keeping his eyes closed, breathing deeply through his mouth. He felt light headed, like at his niece's birthday party when he kept inhaling helium from the balloons to make the little kids laugh.

"Are you okay?" Chris asked.

"Yeah."

"Do you like this?"

Howie smiled a little. "I think so."

Chris kept going. Howie realized that this felt so neat that he didn't mind how long it took. But then Chris mumbled, "I have to...I gotta...." Chris lowered himself until he rested on Howie and dissolved into spasms. Howie dragged his fingers across Chris's back, feeling the muscles shiver and realizing that he had done that. He'd made Chris react like that. It was a nice feeling.

Chris laid on him for a moment, his breathing returning to normal. They were so sweaty that Howie thought they might just stick together. Then Chris groaned and rolled off.

"Man!" Chris said in approval.

Howie smiled at the ceiling. "No kidding."

"How was it?" Chris asked. Howie looked over and saw Chris's eyes gleaming in the near-darkness. "And be gentle on my ego."

"It was..." Howie paused, searching for the right word. "Wild."

Chris grinned. "Cool. Maybe next time you can be the one on top."

Howie bit his lip. "Okay, but...do I have to? That was kind of neat. It think it'll be better the second time."

"Oh no," Chris groaned into the pillow. "I think I've created a monster."

Howie laughed. It was a stupid, out-of-nowhere belly laugh, but it felt better than anything he'd ever felt.

Chris laughed with him until he pulled the sheet away and looked down. "I have to get rid of this condom."

"You could just walk down the hall like that."

"Hmm. I don't think so."

Chris crawled out of bed, peeling off the condom and throwing it in the garbage can. Howie watched him as he strolled around looking for his shorts and anything else he'd need to head to the bathroom. Chris really was kind of weird looking - eyes like black marbles, a profile that looked like a caricature of a snooty Englishman, and that strange voice. But he was perfect. He was Howie's roommate. And they'd just had sex, so that made Chris his lover.

"Lover," Howie said, liking the way it rolled off his tongue.

"Huh?"

"That's a neat sounding word. Lllllover."

Chris smirked. "You are so weird."

"I know," Howie replied. "Lllllover."

Chris tucked everything under one arm. "Okay. I'll leave you to that, then."

The door clicked shut behind Chris. Howie ran his hand along his body. The sweat on his skin had dried and he couldn't wipe the cheese-eating grin off his face. In the span of an hour, he'd gone from being Howie Dorough the "other" to Howie Dorough, sexually active gay man. And for the first time, he felt like a young stud with a hot body, and he could understand why people put that in their ads.